All of us are different from each other in many ways. Same is the case with kids. Each child behavior is different and special in some ways. Every child has some peculiar strengths and weaknesses. Child behavior is a mixture of her inherent behavior and learnt behavior.
Each child is born with a particular set of genes. This set of genes comes from her father and mother. Thus every child borrows a part of her behavior from the families of her father and mother. This set of genes sets a particular behavior in every child. This part of behavior is almost of permanent nature and it is hard to change it.
Child’s body and mind constitution speak a lot about his basic inherent behavior. If we can know and identify a particular body mind constitution of a child, not only we can know and predict her behavior but we can also find ways to manage, control, avoid or encourage a particular behavior.
This is the behavior that child learns from her environment. This behavior is learnt in a manner any other habit is learnt. Habits can certainly be changed. If habits can be changed, this part of behavior can be also changed.
However, even if a habit is changed it is likely to come back if the environment responsible for unwanted habit is not changed. Therefore in order for a good habit to stay permanently, environment has to be changed for good.
What is environment for a child? Certainly, for a child, her environment is made up of everything that surrounds her, like:
• Behavior and attitude of family members
• Friend circle
• School mates
• Daily personal experiences
• Television shows
• Video games
• Social habits and styles
• Surrounding circumstances
…………And the list goes on
Every family or society behaves in a particular manner. What is considered good in a society may not be considered acceptable in some other society.
If we want to change a behavior that the child has learnt, we first need to do identify the source from where she has learnt it, then we need to do something to eliminate the source, and replace it with another source which teaches a good habit and settles the good habit permanently.
How to Find out the Source of a learnt child behavior
Learnt child behavior can be corrected only when you know the source from where the child has learnt it.
When ever I find my six years old son say some bad words, I am shocked. Then I regain my senses and tell myself, “ I am his role model. I need to behave in the best possible manner.” Telling this to myself helps me recover the shock and control myself.
Then I give him a warm hug, look into his eyes and lovingly whisper, “My son is the best boy in the whole world. He always utters good and pleasing words. But just now my son has said some bad words. I am sure you must have heard it somewhere. Would you like to tell me where did you here it from?”
99% of the time he tells me the whole story about it… who said this … what had happened ... when did it happen … why did it happen … how it happened … how he felt … and so on….. and he tells me all this loaded with all shades of emotions he experienced. So now I know the source from where he has learnt a behavior that I did not like. Now I can do some thing about it. Just imagine what would have happened if I had shouted at him and made him uncomfortable. He would never have let me known about the source. And I could never have done anything about it.
Well this example may not fit in every situation. But the information about the source is hidden in the heart of your child ... and the only way to open any child heart is to pour lots of warm love over it ... and it will open itself …. fully … effortlessly. The harder you try more tightly it will close and lock itself.